Questionable Questions
by JuliaBoon
Summary: Ever think about a question but it's just so ridiculous you can't ask it with a straight face, or even at all? Ever question something that really shouldn't be questioned? These are Questionable Questions, questions that that you question why you even asked them. (A series of funny short stories written to answer some of these Questionable Questions) R&R!
1. DoctorWho-Where is the TARDIS Bathroom?

Rose bounded down the corridor and stopped dead before the Doctor who was staring intently at a screen that was nothing but swirling circles.  
"Doctor!" Rose exclaimed, breathless.  
"Yes?" he replied, distracted by the images. Rose waved a hand in front of his face, aiming to get his full attention.  
"Where's the toilet?" she enunciated slowly.  
"The bathroom?" he asked, his eyes panning back to the screen; his mind still a tad distracted.  
Rose bounded up and down in impatience, "Yes! The bathroom!"  
"Hmm, let me see. Through the corridor, twelve doors down, turn right and it's the last door on the left…I think that's number thirty-four."  
"What!" Rose squealed, "That can't be right!"  
"Oh!" exclaimed the Doctor, "You're right. It's down the corridor, twelve doors down, turn _left_ and it's the _second_ last door on the left."  
"Oh god!" Rose yelled as she ran down the corridor and disappeared out of sight.  
The Doctor looked away from the screen for a second, looking at where Rose had been and said, "Or there's that one next to your bedroom in the en suite." He turned back to the screen and continued to stare intently at those circles.


	2. DoctorWho-Does the Doctor Spring Clean?

Rose walked out of the corridor with a triumphant smile on her face.  
She dusted her hands off and said, "I cleaned out your fridge!"  
The Doctor was below the pillar in the centre of the control room, his face pointed up at the ceiling but his focus on the various wires and buttons above his head.  
"Hmm?" he asked, distracted.  
Rose walked over and looked down at him, "I said, I clean out your refrigerator."  
She shuddered, "The fing was really disgusting! All this strange gunk in there!"  
"Oh, yes; the refrigerator. Cleaned it out did you?" he mumbled to himself, then suddenly he jumped up and yelled,  
"What!" bumping his head on the grate, "You did what!" he ran down the corridor and found himself in the kitchen. Rose followed him and stood by the door as the Doctor ranted, "You cleaned out the fridge! Where's the trash?" he asked.  
"What?" Rose asked confused. The Doctor shook his head and searched the room frantically until he found the trashcan. He turned it upside down, the trash cascading down onto the floor. He ran his hands through the garbage until he found a clear container with strange oozing green goo inside. He held it up to his face and stroked it slightly.  
"You threw her out!" the Doctor said, concerned.  
"It's just some goo." She sighed.  
"Just some goo?" he shouted, "This is Jaloncstein, crowned princess of Granarexapitorinina!" he exclaimed.  
"Then what was she doing in the fridge then?" Rose asked, almost to the point of laughing.  
"Her planet was super cooled, it's gone now but she needs cold to survive!" he patted the glass container on the top then opened the refrigerator, "There you go, back in the fridge." The Doctor mumbled to the green ooze as he placed it inside.  
Rose began to laugh and the Doctor smiled too.  
"Perhaps next time I'll ask before I clean!" Rose bellowed.

**A/N: Jaloncstein is an alien that has not appeared or been mentioned on Doctor Who and is if my own creation.  
Granarexapitorinina is a planet that has not appeared or been mentioned on Doctor Who and is of my own creation.  
No rights reserved.**


	3. DoctorWho-What about Rose's Monthlies?

Rose stood in the corridor opening looking across at the Doctor, her legs crossed.  
"Doctor." She called to him, under the TARDIS grate, tinkering with the system.  
"Hmm?" he asked, as he welded two wires together.  
"Ahh," Rose mumbled, she fiddled with a strand of her hair as she said, "We…uhm…We're out of umm…milk!"  
"Milk?" he asked, "We've got plenty of milk."  
Rose shook her head at her unsuccessfulness, "No. I…uhm meant…coffee!"  
"You don't drink coffee. You're British." He said, still under the TARDIS grate.  
"No I meant tea." Rose tried to correct.  
"We have plenty of tea." The Doctor said as he pulled a wire free.  
Rose sighed loudly as she gave up, "Okay!" she yelled, "Fine! I'm out of tampons; you got me!" she ranted.  
The Doctor was up like a rocket.  
When he got to his feet he was as rigged as a board.  
"We're going shopping." He said rather stiffly.  
Rose was confused, "Not too domestic for you?" she asked.  
"We're going shopping. Now." He turned sharply and was out the door.  
Rose giggled despite keeping her legs firmly crossed.


	4. DoctorWho-What Happens in the Morning?

The lights in Rose's room flickered on and she immediately reached out to bat at an imaginary clock. The TARDIS was on Earth time yet it refused to observe a reasonable time for Rose's wake up call. As soon as she managed to prise her eyes open she remembered once again that she was in the TARDIS. She carelessly tossed aside her duvet and stood unsteadily on her feet. She ran a hand through her messy blond hair and gave her head a good scratch. With the other she wiped the sleep from her left eye and looked around her. The day before clothes strewn across the floor, she waded through them until she found her way to the en suite bathroom. She looked in the mirror and scowled. She turned and preceded to peel off her undergarments and enter the glass shower. She turned on the water and it cascaded over her head; she then quickly added shampoo to her hair, rubbed a few times and washed it out. She ran a bar of soap over her body then rinsed. She then finally turned off the water and exited the shower. She found a towel and dried herself. She walked out into her room and found some clothes which she then donned. She walked back into the en suite and found the hair dryer which she then used on her soaking wet blond hair. Lastly she opened a draw and fumbled inside, pulling out a lipstick which she applied to her lips. She smiled at her reflection and turned on her heel to go and find the Doctor.

As he awoke his head shot up and it crashed against the metal grate above him. He swore as he rubbed his head, he had fallen asleep again under the TARDIS console. He eased himself out and looked at the screen; in Galifreyian was written the details of the flight and by the Earth time he had set it at (for Rose's benefit) it was 8:30am. He looked down at himself and sighed. He could smell himself and he knew that was bad for humans. His clothes were also looking a bit ratty, perhaps it was time for a change. Not much of one, perhaps another colour?

He walked through the corridor and found his way to the closet. The spines of the ship shooting up all around him and the winding staircase. He picked out his fresh clothes and then went into the nearest bathroom; there were plenty inside the TARDIS if you knew where to look. He stripped off his clothes and as he entered the shower cubical the water turned on automatically. He stroked the side of the wall and thanked the TARDIS. As he stood under the cascade of water some pink goo oozed out of the forset head and covered the Doctor. He smiled as he rubbed the ooze into his skin and hair. Soon the goo turned back to water washing the ooze away and then the water stopped. He looked up at the celling as a small vent opened up and a jet of warm air came rushing out; drying the Doctor fully. He then stepped out of the shower cubical and found the new clothes he had collected. He put them on and looked at himself in the mirror.  
"Ehh." He said then he turned on his heel to go and see if Rose was awake yet, a new adventure already on his mind.


	5. DoctorWho-What else changes?

**A/N: This one's a bit rude! The rating changed because of this short-story but here's an extra warning!  
M for mature audiences, sexual references and a little bit of explicit imagery.**

The Doctor wavered on his feet as he clutched his other hand in agony. The glowing veins shot through his body until finally his flesh could take no more. Rose watched in horror as his hands and his head were enveloped in bright yellow light; it shot up into the air, striking the roof of the Tardis, shaking the walls in its power. Then suddenly the light ceased and the Doctor had transformed.  
The Doctor now stood before Rose, his face different; thinner and younger. His hair and eyes a different colour and when he spoke his voice no longer held the brute force of his once northern accent; instead it was softer and lighter closer to the London accents Rose had once heard on the local news broadcasts. His jacket and jumper now no longer fit him, they had become loose and hung low about him.  
His teeth had also seemingly grown, having gotten larger and more pronounced.  
"New teeth." He said, licking his front teeth strangely, "I'm going to have to get used to that." He turned and faced Rose, a weird smile upon his lips.  
He looked himself over, "Okay, so I still got legs! Plus no two heads. Now let's see…what else?"  
Rose screwed up her face at his apparent disregard of her.  
"No, wait!" he said, urgently. Suddenly if something had just occurred to the Doctor, he hit the ground running towards the corridor. He turned into the bathroom and shut the door behind him; locking it sharply. His eyes shot from side to side then he looked down at his pants; a mixture of curiosity and concern on his new face. He ripped off the belt then his new fingers fumbled with the buttons on his fly. Finally he tore of his pants and underwear both at the same time revealing his new "equipment" to the cool air that the TARDIS filled the room with. His eyes inspected _it_ then he jumped up and twisted in a somehow depressed way.  
"Oh no!" he cried out, "Down three sizes!" he whined.  
He stopped and tried to smile reassuridly to himself, "Remember it's about how you use it, it's not about size."  
He thought about that for a second then cried out, "Oh no! Who am I kidding! Of course it's about size."


	6. The Evil Dead-Q & A with Mr Williams

The Evil Dead  
Q &amp; A with Mr. Ashley J. Williams

"Ash...So I have to ask!"  
He stares quizzically, "What?"  
She sighs, "How come, even when you travelled to about the 1300's you never once refuelled your chainsaw or got new bullets."  
"I don't get what you mean..." he replied stupidly.  
She looks to the camera and rolls her eyes, "Come on! Don't you understand the concept of a chainsaw. They require oil you know! Also you seem to lack the basic understanding of care! I mean if you treaded a chainsaw like that in the real world, well it just would refuse to work."  
"Your point?" he said in reply.  
She began laughing, "Close to the end of Evil Dead 2 you put a few shells in your top pocket but even if you managed to cram four or five that still wouldn't make any sense!" she started laughing even harder.  
Soon her laughter got so maniacal that she fell over onto the plush red carpet.  
"I know it's a B-movie but still, you could have at least thought!" she said though laughter, then to the surprise of the entire audience she jumped up, eyes white and milky, running at Ash. She clawed out and tried to scratch out his eyes. With quick reflexes he jumped up, grabbing his shotgun and shooting in one fluid motion.  
As she bled white puss out of the middle of her chest, she continued to giggle, "Still doesn't make any sense."  
"Hey" Ash said, chest out, "Shit happens when you write a screenplay high on weed."  
In the audience, sitting at a little desk were three bureaucrats with thick black glasses. They scowled at him.  
"That little display of violence is going to earn you an X rating Mr. Williams."  
Ash's face turned sour, he turned the gun on the little desk, the shell ripping a huge hole in the wood. The censers jumped beyond the desk, their thin face peeping up from behind their desk.  
"So what was that about my X rating?" the bureaucrats shook their heads.  
Ash smiled, reaching down into the audience to grab a pretty blond, he leaned in and planted a kiss on her.  
"That's right baby I'm still the king."


End file.
